I should be practicing calculus right now — and I will, soon — but I’m kind of bugged lately because the person I pretty much consider my best friend has been seriously absent from my life. We’ve talked before about it’s cool having a friendship where we don’t feel obligated to talk to each other everyday, where we can always pick up after weeks or months out of touch and it just feels like old times. But I don’t know why I kind of have a bad, nagging feeling. Last contact with C. I had was in June (and before that, I don’t know exactly), when I just shot her a quick text to wish her happy anniversary. I’m really busy with school and running, and she’s really busy with two toddlers and moving (which, since we haven’t talked in a while, she may have finished with months ago). Anyway, she thanked me via text, and that was it.
I had two weeks off school, between summer and fall semesters, and so I decided to shoot a relatively brief email to C. right at the beginning of my vacation. It was the usual. I asked about things, said I know we’re busy, so I don’t expect a reply overnight, whatever, but that, you know, hey, dudette, I miss you. What’s going on in life? And I haven’t heard back.
I’m patient, I think. But anyway, finally I thought okay, I’ll just give her a call, see if she’s alive, apologize if I seem to be nagging (since there must be some reason she didn’t email me back or anything). And… I’m not saying I got “the fuck you button,” as she and I have often referred to that option of rejecting a call, but… I mean, it didn’t SEEM to take that long to go to voicemail. So I left a voicemail, and that’s all I can do. I don’t know the deal. I don’t know if something is wrong that has nothing to do with me, or if C. is just over having me in her life. It’d just be nice to either some kind of communication. Could be “I’m busy,” or “I’m having me time,” or even “Go fuck off,” — because at least then I’d know. It’s kind of a bummer.
And really, nothing against C. or any of my other friends or acquaintances, but… and I know this has gotten worse, totally understandably, since everybody (except me) started having kids, but… I always drop things, set aside time, listen to long venting sessions, and generally try to “be there.” Often I have felt like I’d like to talk about something, however, and I get put off, blown off, or forgotten. My mother isn’t exactly my friend, but it’s worst with her. I have literally called her out of desperation/loneliness (okay, I’m being dramatic), really needing to get something off my chest or get some advice or something, and she will answer the phone, begin talking about her day, then “have to go” before I ever get in a word — let alone get to talk about what I called to talk about in the first place. Is listening to other people my function in life? Smh. At least when this happens, my annoyance or frustration distracts me from whatever was making me unhappy before. Gets my mind off of the original problem, I guess.
So anyway, I’m not saying, “Oh, I need C.” right now, but what if I did? She wouldn’t be there, because she’s NOT there. Another friend pretty much flaked on picking me up from the airport this weekend too… and $45 later, I mean, it’s not like she had an obligation to pick me up… but if the roles would’ve been reversed, I never would’ve flaked on her like that.
Bottom line, I hate it when people can’t communicate. I don’t care how busy you are, unless you’re in a hospital bed in a vegetative state or something, you can shoot a text or an email, or make a phone call. C’mon.